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Sexuality and Spirituality
Reinie Heydemann
Westwood Sermon, May 7, 2006
So what does a retired woman and a widow of 34 years have to say about sexuality? Does it mean that I have to put my sexuality into a safety deposit box, throw the key away and shut up?
Are my reflections going to be about sexy spirituality? Or spiritual sexiness?
Well, we'll see what evolves as I invite you to journey with me and reflect on what I like to share with you.
As I said in the newsletter, I find it so offensive being bombarded with sexy advertisement images, as if that is what sells. Apparently it does, otherwise it would not be thrown at us all the time.
I read in last week's MACLEAN's Magazine "women may have already realized this, but Belgian scientists have proved that men's decision-making skills can be addled (or intoxicate) by the sight of a beautiful woman. Tests using business-transactions simulations showed that men who saw pictures of beautiful women in lingerie were more likely to accept unfair offers than those who were not exposed to such pictures."
So does this mean I should have advertised my speech as "sexy spirituality" to attract more men this Sunday morning? Well, I didn't, because I believe that Unitarian men are not that silly. But the article does prove that sexuality is a "tool to fool", and commercialism has used and abused sexuality, sex perceived as a very narrow concept.
We understand that sexuality is much more than physical attraction between same and opposite gender identities.
In the earliest stage, Eros and the Sacred were undifferentiated in human consciousness. In this era of goddess worship with holy female images, sexuality merged with the people's understanding of reality through myth, ritual, and symbol. The divine presence was located, not in a transcendendent world, but in the cosmos itself, especially in the generative powers of the earth and human life.
After the emergence of the great religions, a gradual separation took place between Eros and the Sacred. Male gods replaced the goddess; patriarchal structure began to organize cultural and family life. Over thousands of years the sacred evolved into something transcendent and untouchable. There was a separation - at times, even a growing alienation - between body and soul, flesh and spirit, secular and sacred.
In a strict religious sense, sexuality has, or still is seen as the tempter, to be restricted to married couples, and for procreation only. Women particularly have experienced negative repercussions from patriarchal religious power and control. Women have been expected to be either Mary-like, meaning nurturing, self-sacrificing mothers, but paradoxically asexual and virginal; while Eve-like, the temptress, is all about genital sex. The traditional churches see sexuality as a problem to be solved rather than a mystery to be explored and cherished; this problem is most prominent in the understanding and embracing of homosexuality.
No, men and women want to experience their sexuality as a life giving force, a life giving energy that embraces our body and our spirit.
A quote from James B. Nelson says, "A viable sexual theology for our time will affirm that human sexuality is always much more than genital expression. Sexuality expresses the mystery of our creation as those who need to reach out for the physical and spiritual embrace of others. It expresses that we are our authentic humanness not in isolation but in relationship. It is who we are as body/selves experiencing the emotional, cognitive, physical and spiritual embrace of self and others." (Body Theology)
Before we go further into the spiritual aspect of sexuality lets take a brief look at the evolution of sexuality: The universe, where stars continue to be born in a far away cosmic nursery, where older ones burn out and disappear, while earthquakes and volcanoes never stop reshaping our planet's surface, evolution touches everything. Evolution hones our convictions and refines our cultures; it invites us to consider new ideas.
That is also the case of what we know and how we view sexuality, like all realities. Over the evolution of sexuality the function of sexuality has been slowly shifting from an impersonal procreative instinct to a profoundly intentional expression of love and of life. Once viewed primarily as a built-in way of ensuring the continuation of the species for both animals and humans, sexuality has emerged as a dynamic source of soul communication that includes genital expression and so much more.
Sexuality is a complex word that contains a description of our physical embodiment as male and female persons. At the same time it is also the subject of serious scientific studies. Sexuality is a word used in describing biological gender, hormonal changes, reproductive realities, social roles, sexual behaviors, physical behaviors, physical feelings, gender relations, emotional experiences, intimate relationships, and spiritual commitments.
Whether we are chubby babies discovering the pleasure of genital play, little children tending dolls, teenagers swamped in a sea of surging hormones, struggling lovers, lonely widows, mystics in ecstatic union, or ordinary parents caught up in the sometimes chaotic and sometimes wondrous world of family life, we are all immersed in the fragile beauty of our sexuality.
Male and female, young and old, gay and straight, what ever our educational level, occupations or spiritual values, we are all sexual - all of the time. Our sexuality is always with us, it is the energy that connects us to life, to all of creation. (Sources from "Tender Fires" The Spiritual Promise of Sexuality, by Fran Ferder & John Heagle)
And I think that we all, as individuals, go through the evolution of understanding our own sexuality, We may not be able to name it, yet it is part of who we are way before we know about genital sex and what that is about. A healthy sexual awareness, I believe, depends on how we are being brought up, how we are taught to think and feel about our body. Is nakedness a shameful or a comfortable exposure in a safe environment, like within a caring and respectful family? I think if we learn to feel good about our own body as children we don't need to hide who we are. This is the beginning of the evolution of our integrated holistic sexuality.
This will lead us into being comfortable with ourselves; it is the beginning of believing that we have the power to be who you are, to be true to ourselves.
These are also the roots of our spiritual selves. By spiritual I mean that which lifts us into the realm of joy and pleasure, the awe moments in life, often the unexplainable, that which gives life meaning, feeling of connectedness, peace and hope, justice and relationships, self affirmation, soul communion. Spirituality and sexuality are both profound love energies.
I had an awesome experience that has taught me to understand more and more the spiritual aspect of sexuality. Here is my story:
Years ago up in the Cascade Mountains at a retreat for gay, lesbian, transgender and those who are supporting the GLBT community, I went for a hike with a young man, let me call him Ted. We were walking through snow, watching eagles and breathing the freshness of the mountain air. There was a lot of silence between us, but it was not an empty space. It felt more like the presence of a spirit that connected us beyond words. This gave us confidence with each other. After a steep hike of ascending we sat down on a log with soft moss cushioning our stretched muscles.
That is when Ted and I began to use words to share more about ourselves and what had brought us to the retreat.
He opened up his soul to me when he told me about a woman he was friends with. She had total trust in Ted, her gay friend. Her now estranged husband had very much sexually abused this woman. Fearful and wounded she was searching to be healed. She had asked Ted that they spend time together in her home without wearing any clothes. They were both naked, all day, visiting, talking, eating and just being, being together. A miracle happened: she learned to trust her own naked body. After they put their clothes on they hugged each other, and she felt a sense of healing that had touched her body and her soul.
Now was that romantic love? I say "yes" and I say "no". No, because their erotic feelings had no business in that encounter; but yes, because it was a loving spiritual togetherness for both of them.
Ted had enriched my life with his story he never told any one before, that both sexuality and spirituality are life giving energies. When he and I departed, we hugged each other and I said to him: I feel like we made love together." He smiled and kissed my cheek, and I saw an eagle soaring one more time.
And how do we share our sexuality with others in a none genital way? Well, I think that hugging is a great way to connect physically and spiritually. Remember our dear Lieutenant Governor Lois Hole? How many of you got a hug from her? I certainly treasure the memories of her hug, even though I was a complete stranger when I received that gift from her.
Here is a poem I retrieved from Our Voice in June 2005
Hugging is Healthy…
Hugging is the perfect miracle drug.
It is all natural, organic, naturally sweet,
Contains no pesticides, preservatives, or artificial ingredients
And is 100% wholesome.
Hugging is good for the body's immune system.
It reduces stress, induces sleep, cures depression
And keeps you healthy.
Hugging is invigorating, rejuvenating
And has no unpleasant side effects.
It has no movable parts that break down,
No batteries that wear out,
And no periodic check-ups are required.
Hugging uses little energy, but has a high-energy yield.
It is non-fattening, non-taxable, non-poluting, theft-proof,
inflation-proof, has no monthly payments,
does not require insurance, and is fully returnable.
Have you had your hug today?
-Anonymous
Hugging is a physical and a spiritual experience. Why? When we hug each other, we don't need words to express what we feel, it is a way of giving and receiving, of celebrating, of sharing pain and grief, it gives us a lift into a world beyond us, it connects us spiritually.
Our spirituality is what lifts us beyond our physical, our concrete self, our daily duties, what we need to do.
Our being is enhanced and lifted out of the ordinary by our spirit. It teaches us to make sense out of life, it gives us hope, peace of mind, it is the power that wants us to reach out to others and gain friendships. Our spirituality celebrates who we are, when we experience awe moments, but our spirit is also what makes us cry, grieve and become angry when injustice is done to us or other human beings, but also to Mother Earth. Our spirit wants us to forgive ouselves and others and come to a solution we can live with honestly.
So when spirituality and sexuality unite within us we become more holistic, more together, more precious, it connects us with the deepest aspect of all being. It is the energy that wants to reach out into the Universe and embrace life holisticly. It is the invitation to celebrate who we are.
We believe that everyone has the right to seek truth and meaning for themselves. The fundamental tools for doing this are your own life experience, your reflection upon it, your intuitive understanding and the promptings of your own conscience.
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